Let’s Define the Couple Bubble!
The Couple Bubble is a pact; a pact that the relationship comes before anything else. The stronger the relationship, the stronger the bubble. The more you grow to understand each other, the more you will be able to help your relationship grow in ways you never imagined.
Stan Tatkin’s Couple Bubble Guiding Principles
- Devote yourself to your partner’s sense of safety and security and not simply to your idea about what that should be.
- Don’t pop the bubble.
- Mutually maintain and honor and the bubble. (Note: this is not codependency)
- Plan to use your couple bubble.
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Build on the Principles & Make Your Own Rules
My wife and I have a physical space that represents our bubble. Our bedroom has 2 chairs where we sit and where we both feel safe. I want to take a minute and clarify that our Bubble is not that physical space. The space represents what our bubble is and that IT EXISTS. Below are our rules in our bubble.
Rule #1
NO PHONES OR ELECTRONIC DEVICES. These devices are distracting and can cause your bubble
to feel violated. Yes, this includes smart watches.
Rule #2
THE BUBBLE STAYS INTACT. What happens in the bubble, stays in the bubble. If there is something that needs to come out of the bubble, both partners must agree on what is shared and who it is shared with. In other words, your disagreements are no one else’s business unless you both agree on who.
**This includes social media platforms, keep your relationship off of them.**
Rule #3
ATTITUDES DO NOT GET TO INVADE. Work belongs in the bubble, attitudes need to
stay out of it. Keep the bubble as calm and peaceful as possible. This applies to children as well.
Rule #4
THE COUPLE BUBBLE IS A SAFE SPACE. there is mental and emotionally hard work done in the
bubble, it needs to be a space that reflects that. Do not judge or criticize anything in the bubble. if this is
done the feeling of safety will go away.
Rule #5
NO ASSUMPTIONS. If something is not clear or if difficult emotions are coming up, Pause! Ask questions! Challenge default self talk!
Disclaimer!!
Not all work can be done in the bubble. Some work may require outside help and support. (i.e. counseling, evaluation, medical treatment etc.) Chronic or undiagnosed mental health conditions, medical conditions and/or traumatic brain injuries will require professional treatment.
To Sum it All Up!
Challenge yourself to let go of what your path inside the bubble will look like! Our paths can look like a little kid’s drawing of a map or a winding mountain road. Remember- you and your partner are doing the best you can. It is never too late to repair.
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